Dear Heart to Heart, I am a 29 year old teacher and have been dating a colleague for two years. Three months ago we had our introductory ceremony and were preparing for our wedding. Last year he wanted to buy a car and I took out a loan for him. A week ago I paid off the last installment of this loan and called to let him know. Unfortunately, he confessed that he was in love with his ex-girlfriend and broke up with me. I was fooled by the love of my life. What should I do?
I can only imagine the psychological pain this caused you. Sorry about that. Often, benevolent acts towards the people we love are exploited and taken for granted. I just want to let you know that you are not alone, a lot of people, both men and women, continue to encounter this in life.
I see two scenarios here, one is that you were duped and you were duped and at the same time heartbroken when you found out that your fiancée is in love with someone else. Recognizing the two separately is essential, as the loss of a relationship cannot simply be swept under the rug. It’s okay to cry and cry about this so that you can step into acceptance and be able to move on.
Cheating is totally unacceptable in any relationship and the moment you are told that he is in love with someone else then you should take this as a sign that he might not have ever been the best life partner for you. Love excites your senses, but it can also confuse reasoning in general. When you’re in love or at the start of a romantic relationship, you tend to believe and justify everything about your partner. Try not to be hard on yourself that you can’t see this coming. Instead, take it as a hard lesson when you go out together again in the future.
Only lend money to your boyfriend who you are still just starting out through a legal agreement or if you are forced to do so, then give what you think will not do. hurt in case the person doesn’t repay or even walks away from you.
For starters, some of these behaviors serve as red flags in a developing relationship that is meant to be definitive, and therefore choose the positive side of being able to end it before marriage because divorce runs deeper. For now, pay attention to how you are feeling and find help, especially someone you can talk to and who won’t judge you.
Talk to your fiancée through a third party to get them to return at least some of the money you put in the car. If you think it will tire you out more, with the psychological support of a professional counselor, follow the steps on how you can let go and move on.
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, consulting psychologist
Advice to readers
Forgive, move on
Hadija Dija. First, accept it, then let it go. It may not be easy to let go, but with the grace of God, you will. It is only God who heals broken wounds, so stay in prayer and wait for the moment of God. Believe me, he will bring the best husband who will match your character. It’s good that he didn’t leave you with children who would have forced you to bond with him.
Don’t give up on love
Brenda Bou. Go ahead and don’t worry about the money. Karma has no side. All I can tell you is never give up on love. One day, it will be like any other day, but the beginning of your happiness, a man of confidence, sent by God, will come to meet you and he will make you forget him.
He was after the money
Phoebe Myriam. Fall in love with your heart but still use your head. A number of men play such tricks and that means he was only after your money. Did he sign somewhere to receive this money? If he did, you can sue him for obtaining money under a false pretext. Otherwise, if he didn’t, you have to count your losses and move on.
Next time be careful
Henri Kiramba. I’m sorry for this, but after this experience never take the things you want as the things you need. The two are different things.
Fazzy Majuma. The worst feeling in this world is when you hear that someone you trust has used you and lied to you. You have to forgive yourself and thank God that he didn’t end up making you worse. Forgive him and move on.
Talk to someone
Latifah Sophie. He was not the love of your life. You were a ladder for him to get what he wanted. Let it hurt, share it with someone, and move on. Over time, you will meet someone better and more trustworthy.
Rose Muwonge. Your heart will heal and you will find a man who deserves your love. Don’t even look back, he wasn’t worthy of your love. Money is replaceable.
A better man waits
Okey Chima. It’s a shame, but since you still have your life, move on. God must surely reward you and give you a better person who is meant for you.
Next time invest in yourself
Akasandra Lawino. Next time, get a loan and buy some land, build some buildings or a small business and see if your land is going to part with you.
Stop playing the part of a man
Don Emma Owakabi. You don’t take out a loan to buy a man a car. This is what man should do. Women should stop taking on the roles of men in a relationship, no matter how much money you have.
Time will heal you
Nampa Patience Natie. He saved you a lot by deciding to leave you. It may be difficult to move on now, but time heals everything.